Why Teaching Honesty Is Important: Understanding the Role of Lying and Building Integrity
Honesty is a cornerstone of personal integrity, yet it can be one of the most challenging traits to nurture in children. As educators, we want to help our students understand why honesty is important and guide them in making choices that build trust and respect in their relationships. However, before we can teach students how to choose integrity, we need to first understand lying and dishonesty as part of their natural development. Lying doesn’t always reflect poor character—rather, it’s often a part of growing up. Through honest conversations and activities like the Broken Trust Jar, we can help students build a foundation for honesty and integrity that will serve them for years to come.
UNDERSTANDING WHY CHILDREN LIE
While I find telling a “white-lie” super uncomfortable or bending the truth to be something that causes me guilt 😳(hence, I avoid lying at all costs), it’s important for us to remember that it’s common for children to explore lying at various stages in their development. I remember the first time my daughter told a fib around the age of 3. It was playful and cute, but a bit shocking. I also recognized that it was a sign of her growing intelligence and ability to think less literally.
Early on, children may lie because they don’t want to get in trouble, because they want something to be true, or to test boundaries. Later, as they grow, reasons for lying evolve, often involving social circumstances like protecting someone’s feelings or avoiding getting into trouble. Recognizing these natural developmental stages for students allows educators to approach dishonesty with empathy and understanding and the goal of helping students build their personal integrity and trustworthiness.
Early Lying (Ages 2-6)
Wishful Thinking: They may say something didn’t happen because they want it to be true.
Testing Boundaries: They might lie to see how adults will react, to avoid consequences, or to see what they can “get away” with.
Modeling Behavior: If they see siblings or adults lying, they may copy the behavior.
Later Lying (Ages 7 and Up)
Social Skills: They may lie to protect someone’s feelings or avoid hurting a friend.
Self-Image & Avoiding Trouble: They may lie to seem more likable, avoid embarrassment, or stay out of trouble.
Understanding Consequences: They start recognizing when lying happens and how it affects relationships.
While lying may be a way for children to navigate social situations, catching them in a lie is also an opportunity to guide them towards integrity and honesty. By helping students recognize why they feel the urge to lie and discussing the impact of dishonesty on our relationships, we can encourage self-reflection and growth.
Teaching integrity means showing students that honesty builds trust, strengthens interpersonal connections, and shapes their character.
THE BROKEN TRUST JAR: HONESTY ACTIVITY
One of my favorite integrity activities to encourage honesty in students is through a hands-on demonstration that I call the Broken Trust Jar activity. This exercise helps students understand that trust, like marbles in a jar, can be built up with each act of honesty and can be taken away when lies occur.
HERE’S HOW THE BROKEN TRUST JAR WORKS:
Review the term Honesty: Start by discussing the definition of honesty—telling the truth and doing what's right, even when it's difficult.
Set up the jar: Display a clear jar filled with marbles (or any small object). Tell students that the jar symbolizes the trust we share in relationships.
Provide example scenarios: Read aloud (or ask students to take turns reading aloud) various examples of honesty and examples of dishonesty. Let students help you decide whether the scenario represents honest words and actions or dishonesty.
Add and Remove Marbles: For every example of honesty, add ONE marble to the jar. For each dishonesty example, remove TWO marbles. This visual helps students concretely see what lying does to a relationship or friendship and reinforces the importance of maintaining integrity.
Example 1: “Lena told her best friend that she would help clean up after art class. Even though she wanted to go play, she stayed and helped.”
Example 2: “Liam heard a rumor about a classmate and repeated it, even though he wasn’t sure if it was true. The classmate felt hurt and betrayed.”
Find more examples in my Integrity Unit that includes the Broken Trust Jar activity and printable materials.
Discussion: Ask students what happens when the jar loses too many marbles and how difficult it would be to fill the jar back up.
This conversation highlights the real-life consequences of dishonesty in a relationship and the importance of honesty and integrity.
Honesty Role-Playing: Practicing Integrity in Real-Life Situations
Once students grasp why honesty is important, they need opportunities to practice it in action. I like splitting students into small groups and giving them Honesty Scenario Cards where students act out different situations where honesty is tested.
First, I give each group a handful of scenario cards, and they take turns responding to each situation in two ways—once with a dishonest response and once with an honest one. This contrast helps them see how their choices can lead to very different outcomes for the same situation.
You spill water on some books but no one sees you do it.
You see someone shoving another student on the playground at recess.
After performing their responses, we come together for a class discussion. I ask questions like:
How did the dishonest response affect the situation?
How did the honest response change things?
How did each response feel?
Through these role-plays, students experience firsthand how honesty builds trust, while dishonesty can lead to bigger problems. It also gives them a chance to practice making honest choices in a low-pressure setting—helping them feel more confident applying these lessons in real life.
WHY LYING DAMAGES TRUST AND RELATIONSHIPS
While the Broken Trust Jar honesty activity offers a tangible way for students to understand the consequences of dishonesty, it’s also important to talk about the long-term effects of lying and relationships. Why lying is bad extends beyond immediate consequences—it can damage reputations, create guilt, and strain relationships over time.
Students need to understand that once trust is broken, it’s hard to rebuild. This helps them recognize the value of choosing integrity in the face of temptation. Educators can shift this mindset by encouraging students to reflect on their motivations for lying, asking questions like:
Why do I feel like I need to lie right now?
What are the possible consequences of this lie?
How can I handle this situation with honesty and integrity instead?
These reflections foster a growth mindset around honesty and integrity, allowing students to see mistakes as opportunities to grow rather than as failures.
ENCOURAGE INTEGRITY THROUGH REFLECTION
My take on teaching integrity isn’t about shaming students for past dishonesty, but about helping them understand their choices and guiding them toward more honest behaviors. By incorporating integrity activities like the Broken Trust Jar and honesty scenarios for students, teachers can create an environment where honesty and integrity are actively practiced, valued, and discussed.
💕 Teaching students about integrity and honesty has become one of my favorite SEL units and morning meeting. The conversations are rich and important and help me meet my goal of improving our classroom community, our appreciation and concern for one another, and ultimately a better human race. I appreciate that you landed on this blog post because you are on that journey with me!
NEED MORE INTEGRITY ACTIVITIES AND DONE-FOR-YOU RESOURCES FOR TEACHING INTEGRITY?
If you are on a mission to improve your students’ understanding and use of integrity and honesty, you don’t have to remember all of these ideas or keeping searching the internet for ideas! I’ve put all of this together in my Integrity and Honesty theme SEL unit. You can pick and choose from the activities or implement the 20 days of lesson plans from start to finish! The Integrity and Honesty teaching unit includes student journal pages, detailed and editable integrity lesson plans, an integrity bulletin board with vocabulary and related integrity and honesty quotes, and Google Slides for the teacher and a digital student notebook.
You can manage to do each of these activities with a reflection journal and materials you have around the classroom, but if you want some of the work done for you, I’ve put all of this together in my Integrity and Honesty theme SEL unit. You can pick and choose from the activities or implement the 20 days of lesson plans from start to finish! The Integrity and Honesty teaching unit includes student journal pages, detailed and editable integrity lesson plans, an integrity bulletin board with vocabulary and related integrity and honesty quotes, and Google Slides for the teacher and a digital student notebook.
SOCIAL-EMOTIONAL TOPICS TO GUIDE YOUR MORNING MEETINGS ALL YEAR
If you’re looking to increase your social-emotional learning focus, you’ve come to the right place my friend! This Integrity and Honesty themed SEL unit is also included in the SEL Morning Meeting MEGA Bundle that contains 16 social- emotional learning themes. With units focused on gratitude, empathy and compassion, growth mindset, conflict resolution and compromise, grit and perseverance, responsibility, understanding and managing emotions, and so much more, your engaging SEL or morning meeting plans are done for you and your students will love them!
If you purchase the bundle from my website store, you can save 10% on the Mega Bundle of all 16 themes with the code MM10.
